Paper Ghost: Musings of a Restless Girl

This time of year gets especially difficult. I used to spend Christmas break at my grandma Mimi's house and I looked forward to it more than just about anything else. I miss waking up to the smell of coffee drifting down the hall to my bedroom.  The sound was even comforting. Of course, this was not the first time I'd wake up in the morning as there was always a chorus of pekingese expressing their interest in going outside, my Buffy scratching at the door begging to join. I miss going around switching on all of the tree lights, as she had more than one beautiful Christmas tree. She also had porcelain dolls holding candles that would sway back and forth at the turn of an on-switch.  Many might find it creepy, but I found it heartwarming. Later in the day, she'd help me tear the bread for stuffing, and give the turkey a "shot" as we called it.  Her rolls were my favorite, soft and warm, moist and scrumptious. Her house was always warm and inviting.  She let ...

I don't know why it's so hard for me to get into writing again. I used to spend hours on blogs and online journals pouring my heart out. Something changed me and made me feel like it's strange to put it where I can go back to it. Something made me feel weird about my own feelings. I don't like it. I miss being an open book, at least to myself. I'm trying though. I am so stressed about money right now. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm working for the same wages I was when I had my first job. I feel like I work my ass off for nothing. This month marks six years at PetSmart. I have had enough. I need to get out soon. I need to move on to better (paying) things.

Pizza kind of makes me feel like crap PROBABLY BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP EATING IT EVEYR DAY OF MY LIFE. why okay starting today I am going to start eating better again and chill the fuck out with the pizza. k k.

This is an attempt to start my day off with some positivity. I am grateful for the fact that I have fresh fall coffee to make this morning and that I have this lovely mug to put it in: I am grateful for the fact that I can wake up to the love of my life every day and go to sleep with him by my side every night. I am grateful to have my fat, fluffy, passive aggressive cat, and my chunky bunny. I am grateful that in two months I'll be leaving and moving onto better things. I am grateful that I have friends who care enough about me to drive hours to my house, despite not having seen me for over a year.  I am grateful for having been able to pay rent this month and to have gone on a vacation with my boylove, despite the fact that I was stressed about it.   I am grateful we have jobs and hopeful that we can pay our bills next month. I am grateful for Halloween  and friends who help out when we need it.  I am grateful that I've had the motiv...