Paper Ghost: Musings of a Restless Girl

We have officially lived in our apartment for a little over a month and I love it. I love Norfolk, I love ODU, I love our apartment, I love our new life. I can't even begin to describe how much better I feel. People say that running away from where you live isn't a solution and that you will still be you and it's all about perspective and yadda yadda and I think that's a load of bullshit. I know others aside from myself who have moved to a new place and felt a thousand times better. Sometimes, we are not meant to live where we came from.

Seven years ago, I was 19. I moved out of my dad's house on a whim, with one paycheck. I moved to Harrisonburg and started my new version of freedom. Freedom from the nights filled with yelling and alcohol, freedom the dreaded need to go home because I had no place to call my own. Now, I am 26 and I am starting a new chapter.  At the end of the month and end of the year, I will be packing the treasures and memories I have accrued over the last 26 years and I will be carrying them with me to Norfolk, Virginia. I have laughed as much as I have cried and I am as afraid as I am excited. I have made friends as quickly as I have lost them, I have fallen out of love as slowly as I fell in. My grandmother died, my dog passed away. It has been a very long ride and I am ready to begin a new adventure. I will not be beginning this new journey alone, as the one I consider the love of my life will be accompanying me. For this new year and new beginning, I have a few things I'd l...

So the end of the semester and our time in Harrisonburg is upon us! I have two finals left and I will have successfully completed my first semester at ODU. My last day at PetSmart is November 23rd and it is bittersweet. The store has gone through many staff changes and switches in the 6 years that I've worked there. Currently, it honestly kind of sucks, but there are people I will miss, to be certain. We are going down to Norfolk in a week to look at a few apartments and hopefully sign a lease. I am excited, anxious, and stressed. I am ready for change, though.

This time of year gets especially difficult. I used to spend Christmas break at my grandma Mimi's house and I looked forward to it more than just about anything else. I miss waking up to the smell of coffee drifting down the hall to my bedroom.  The sound was even comforting. Of course, this was not the first time I'd wake up in the morning as there was always a chorus of pekingese expressing their interest in going outside, my Buffy scratching at the door begging to join. I miss going around switching on all of the tree lights, as she had more than one beautiful Christmas tree. She also had porcelain dolls holding candles that would sway back and forth at the turn of an on-switch.  Many might find it creepy, but I found it heartwarming. Later in the day, she'd help me tear the bread for stuffing, and give the turkey a "shot" as we called it.  Her rolls were my favorite, soft and warm, moist and scrumptious. Her house was always warm and inviting.  She let ...

I don't know why it's so hard for me to get into writing again. I used to spend hours on blogs and online journals pouring my heart out. Something changed me and made me feel like it's strange to put it where I can go back to it. Something made me feel weird about my own feelings. I don't like it. I miss being an open book, at least to myself. I'm trying though. I am so stressed about money right now. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm working for the same wages I was when I had my first job. I feel like I work my ass off for nothing. This month marks six years at PetSmart. I have had enough. I need to get out soon. I need to move on to better (paying) things.

Pizza kind of makes me feel like crap PROBABLY BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP EATING IT EVEYR DAY OF MY LIFE. why okay starting today I am going to start eating better again and chill the fuck out with the pizza. k k.

This is an attempt to start my day off with some positivity. I am grateful for the fact that I have fresh fall coffee to make this morning and that I have this lovely mug to put it in: I am grateful for the fact that I can wake up to the love of my life every day and go to sleep with him by my side every night. I am grateful to have my fat, fluffy, passive aggressive cat, and my chunky bunny. I am grateful that in two months I'll be leaving and moving onto better things. I am grateful that I have friends who care enough about me to drive hours to my house, despite not having seen me for over a year.  I am grateful for having been able to pay rent this month and to have gone on a vacation with my boylove, despite the fact that I was stressed about it.   I am grateful we have jobs and hopeful that we can pay our bills next month. I am grateful for Halloween  and friends who help out when we need it.  I am grateful that I've had the motiv...