Paper Ghost: Musings of a Restless Girl

I need to learn how to not feel guilty about not being actively productive. I have free time now, and it's a strange feeling.

1.  This one is easy--exercise!  I love the fresh feeling of a good workout.  I know that might sound weird because good workouts tend to be a little sweaty and maybe a little gross, but it makes me feel so fresh and really, REfreshed.  I never regret a workout.  And it does so much for my mental health. 2. Create.  I should be more specific with this because there's SO many things I want to create.  I would like to get back into drawing, I want to learn how to knit, I want to remember how to use my camera on any setting other than auto.  I need to get back in my creative space.  There are so many things I've wanted to do for years and I haven't really had the time or energy with school.  Now is the time. 3. Go outside.  I want to go camping, I want to go hiking, swimming, biking!  Again, haven't had the time or energy. It's time. 4. Eat vegetables.  This is self-explanatory! 5.  Be present.  I'm often st...

I have not been taking care of myself food and exercise wise. I was doing pretty well and doing things in moderation but I've let it slide.  Maybe because it's cold and all I want is carbs, I dunno. I don't feel good physically.  My energy levels are low, my skin hasn't been great, my stomach is always queasy and I'm always bloated. Not good. Sometimes I feel like the more I tell myself I need to get it together, the harder it is to do so.  Then I eat my feelings.  I worry my behavior has gotten borderline disordered, but I'm trying to get it under control. I'm hoping that just putting my feelings into written word will help remind me of the regret and discomfort I've felt every time I start to binge again.

y'all it's done. IT'S SUBMITTED I AM ALMOST FREE.

I am tired of this idea that the holidays are -supposed- to be stressful. they're not. at all. I think more of us need to learn to let go of expectations and learn how to say "no" to things we don't want to do. Yes, we all have obligations and have to do things we don't want to do sometimes, but we CAN limit those things, and we can compromise, too. What is the point of the holidays if we can't do the things we want to do, the things that make us happy? While the holidays are about spending time with family for some, it doesn't always have to be if that's not what you want. Some of us have toxic families, and sometimes they become even more toxic around the holidays. The holidays are a time that we should all have a right to enjoy, and if that means avoiding the people that cause that holiday stress, then so be it. Turn your phones on silent, block their number, do what you have to do.  Take the time to set them aside and say "hey, I have ...

Your reading for Today: More sympathetic than usual, those close to you bend over backwards to understand and support you today, dear REBECCA. Under the benign authority of Temperance, your nearest and dearest avoid difficult conversations, your partner is all ears and copes remarkably well with your changes of mood. Your friends do their best to meet your every need… In short, everyone makes rather a fuss of you, which is all to the good! With your working life under the combined influence of Temperance and the Fool, you’re seeking security and permanence. Slowly but surely, you consolidate what you’ve achieved so far until your position in your post or your field is secure. You may encounter some difficulties, of course, but if you have confidence in yourself, you’ll get through the day unscathed. I wanted to post this because it felt super relevant. I AM seeking security and permanence in a job, which is why I have taken a job at RACC and must leave the SPCA. I also f...

tonight, the new moon is in Scorpio, and it's the astrological Samhain. I did a lot of reflecting the other day for Samhain and my brain has started to prepare for yule and Christmastime.  this time of year always reminds me of my grandma, which is one of the reasons I discussed her in my last post. The new moon in Scorpio also means time for change and new things. It seems appropriate, as I've been hired at two new (one is new-ish) jobs that I'll be starting in the coming weeks, and saying goodbye to the SPCA.  I've only worked there for a few short months, but I have never been so in love with a job.  I have been accepted into the family and it truly feels like home. But alas, money is a real issue for me right now, and I must move on to other things for the time being.   As I've mentioned in previous posts, this year has been a year of newness. I turned 30, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary, we moved to a new city, I've started a new job, and ...