Paper Ghost: Musings of a Restless Girl

When I was little, my grandma and I would perform what I now like to call a ritual, called "cut and paste."  We would cut up construction paper and glue it in different ways to make bookmarks and other little pieces of juvenile art.  With the passing of Valentine's Day, I specifically remembered how we would cut different colored hearts in a distinct way so that each side was even and symmetrical.  We would then glue the hearts onto different colored rectangles made of construction paper to make little bookmarks. I also had this porcelain teaset that she made me that included little tea cups with blue flowers, and a tea kettle shaped like a cat with a fish being held at its chest for a spout. We would sit at my little craft table and she would make us real tea to put in the cat kettle and we'd have a tea party.  Usually, this included homemade sugar cookies with pink homemade buttercream frosting.  I never liked Valentine's Day when I got older, and this memo...

Your reading for Today: Today, it is the well-being of your little family that counts more than anything else, REBECCA. You might be organizing a party for your children’s friends, or a supper for your colleagues – even if you don’t particularly feel like it. The alliance of the Moon and Temperance can give rise to a certain hypocrisy. Clearly, there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for the happiness of your loved ones. At work, thanks to the combined influence of the Moon and the Emperor, you seem rather like a bold tightrope walker who wants to turn back with only a few centimeters to go! Your capabilities are real, but your self-doubt could bring you up short just as things are going promisingly. Put your faith in your gut feelings and push yourself to the limit – you won’t let yourself down.

I think I am letting the world make me bitter.

I was thinking that rather than making lofty goals for the entire year, it might be better to break them down month to month. January Goals: 1. Walk 10, 000 steps each day. 2. Work out 2-3 times a week (will increase this goal through the year) 3. Eat at least 3 servings of veggies per day. 4. Save $5-10 per check. 5. Do not eat out at all. 6. No soda, no candy bars at work.

I was never one for New Year's nothing good ever happened and I never felt much of a reason to make any resolutions.  Change can happen anytime, and it seemed to me that putting pressure on oneself all at once to radically change was unrealistic and harmful. I still feel this way, but over the last few years, I've become much more reflective this time of year. Maybe it's the solstice and the feeling that it's the right time to begin some changes, who knows. I have always had a hard time being proud of myself.  I never felt like anything was good enough and that I could always do better.  While it's okay to believe that we can always improve, it's also okay to be proud of ourselves.  It's okay to not work ourselves into the ground and it's okay to acknowledge when we do a good job.  Otherwise, what is the point of working so hard in the first place? This year, I want to learn how to be proud of myself and be less concerned with how others feel about...

I need to learn how to not feel guilty about not being actively productive. I have free time now, and it's a strange feeling.

1.  This one is easy--exercise!  I love the fresh feeling of a good workout.  I know that might sound weird because good workouts tend to be a little sweaty and maybe a little gross, but it makes me feel so fresh and really, REfreshed.  I never regret a workout.  And it does so much for my mental health. 2. Create.  I should be more specific with this because there's SO many things I want to create.  I would like to get back into drawing, I want to learn how to knit, I want to remember how to use my camera on any setting other than auto.  I need to get back in my creative space.  There are so many things I've wanted to do for years and I haven't really had the time or energy with school.  Now is the time. 3. Go outside.  I want to go camping, I want to go hiking, swimming, biking!  Again, haven't had the time or energy. It's time. 4. Eat vegetables.  This is self-explanatory! 5.  Be present.  I'm often st...