Paper Ghost: Musings of a Restless Girl

Well another birthday has come and gone.  I am now 31. I have a lot to update on but as per usual, finding the energy is difficult. We went to Philadelphia for our anniversary and my birthday and oh what fun. It was stressful as people drive a little...crazy, if I'm being nice, but we went to a lot of neat shops and ate a lot of good food. We also saw Chelsea Wolfe live and it was memorable beyond words. I wanted to post this as a reminder to myself to post the photos and write a little bit about our trip. so  here is my note to self! I have a little bit of time off over the next weeks (shocking!) so perhaps I'll have some downtime to write. :)

In a journal or notepad, answer these questions to the best of your ability: ”How am I calling in balance into my life? How can I be more balanced? What needs to be released in order to cultivate balance? What have I been growing in my garden of thoughts? How does this serve me?”  How am I calling in balance into my life? Currently I don't feel like I am at all. I don't have any time off, I'm still broke despite working constantly. I'm forever tired and lately I've been feeling just down and sad. The state of the world is terrible and the state of my life isn't any better, at least financially which leads to no relaxation or downtime. I have no time for myself. How can I be more balanced? I think by making myself a priority and trying to make time for myself even if that means making myself go to the gym. I'm also going to begin looking for other jobs as well. How can I be more balanced? I think exercise will help me deal a little bit better with...

I am so scared for our future. we are destroying the planet and ourselves.

Scorpio: From intensity to levity Ponder this, Scorpio: What if everything didn’t have to be soooo serious? You get super invested in all that you do, which is one of your winning qualities. But the intensity that you bring to these missions with can be extra-extra…for you and everyone in your radius. Your solstice transformation is a fun one: Bring some play into the equation! Could you turn those tasks into a game? Find some dark humor in the situation? If you’re not enjoying yourself for at least a few hours every day, you’re doing something wrong. It’s your birthright to be happy—and you can find those moments of joy even while you’re dealing with tough stuff, like railing against abortion bans and searching for answers to climate change. P.S. Cutting a few negative people out of your life might be necessary to finding that nirvana.

BloodMilk is releasing a special series of rose quartz jewels today. Rose Quartz has always resonated with me, though when prompted to explore my connections to it, I could not pinpoint anything beyond associations with my birthday and my grandma.  I know that RQ is symbolic of love, but I wasn't sure what else. BM's post and collection has led me to begin exploring my associations a little deeper. My immediate connections are as I said, my grandma. She loved pink and she loved roses, she loved jewelry and stones. She gave me a bracelet with large rose quartz stones on it one year, a bracelet that I have brought out numerous times to wear with me on days where I felt I needed her strength. 2018 marked the passage of ten years since her death, the bracelet broke during this year as well. I was devastated. I have always read that rose quartz is a birthstone for October as well, my second association with the stone. My closest friends have October birthdays as well, as does ...

A few weeks ago, I read Heavier than Heaven.  If you're unfamiliar, it's one of the better known biographies about Kurt Cobain.  The book left me in tears, a rare thing. Ever since, I've thought quite a bit about death, about how we impact people while we're alive, the things we do to make the world better, or worse. I'm not sure if it's because I also turned 30 last year and graduated from graduate school, or if, for the first time in my life, I'm free from school for the unforeseen future,  but i've been thinking a lot about death. Often times, at night when I lie down to bed, I am struck with a fear of death and loss.  Not only for myself, but especially for those around me and those I love.  I have always had a decent amount of anxiety surrounding the loss of a loved one, but it's becoming paralyzing. It's not only at night that my anxiety strikes either.  I find myself thinking more and more about aging, about life, the pros...

When I was little, my grandma and I would perform what I now like to call a ritual, called "cut and paste."  We would cut up construction paper and glue it in different ways to make bookmarks and other little pieces of juvenile art.  With the passing of Valentine's Day, I specifically remembered how we would cut different colored hearts in a distinct way so that each side was even and symmetrical.  We would then glue the hearts onto different colored rectangles made of construction paper to make little bookmarks. I also had this porcelain teaset that she made me that included little tea cups with blue flowers, and a tea kettle shaped like a cat with a fish being held at its chest for a spout. We would sit at my little craft table and she would make us real tea to put in the cat kettle and we'd have a tea party.  Usually, this included homemade sugar cookies with pink homemade buttercream frosting.  I never liked Valentine's Day when I got older, and this memo...