farewell to a decade

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And here we are, weeks later and I still haven't updated 😅
It's the last month of the year and the decade so I suppose I should do something productive here, right?
I've been stuck in this non-writing, unmotivated hole for years.  I blame school, honestly.  It's like I forgot how to do anything other than write academically.
This year was not great.
I've struggled financially more than I think I ever have (I mean, my damn car got repossessed, so).
I did get promoted to full time at my job, something I really wanted from the day I started, but it doesn't pay the bills.
I've struggled with my love for what I do as an animal care technician and the need to be financially stable.
I've worked almost every day with few breaks since March and it's left me burned out and angry, with little time or motivation to do anything else.  I've applied for many jobs in my field and haven't even made to an interview, something I've never had an issue with.
Alex and I have had a lot of ups and downs, mostly downs.
2019 has been a year of struggle.
What I thought was growth for myself seems to have been just a way to cut myself off even more and thicken my hard outer shell. 
I need 2020 to be different. I need this next decade to be different.
I have to spend the next month thinking of how to manifest this difference and what outcomes I would truly like to see.

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