I have been thinking so much lately about everything and I am not happy. I am not happy with myself I'm not happy with Alex I'm not happy with my job I'm anxious, restless, gaining weight back, and I some of it I know how to fix some of it I don't. and for the things I do know how to fix, I can't seem to find the energy, time, or motivation to do so.
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I feel like I only come here when I'm down. But usually happiness doesn't supply many eloquent thoughts? or some shit. I don't know. I feel outside of my own skin again. I gained some weight back and though it isn't that much, I still feel awful about it and I feel disgusting. I feel as if this is my most stressful semester of school like...ever, and it's been impossible to find time to exercise, time to eat properly and cook healthy meals ( (I hate the word "meals," I have no idea why), much less log the calories I do consume. I spend all of my time (trying to) sleep, doing school work, and working. And I'm still broke anyway. I was super excited about beginning the grad school process and the prospect of earning my bachelor's in May and now I'm just over it all. I'm exhausted. Even the things I enjoy seem like chores. I know going to the gym would help in a plethora of ways but I can't seem to find the energy or time to do s...
a lot has been going on lately It has not been the best of Octobers but I'm trying to squeeze as much goodness as I can out of it in this last week that remains. Here are some photos from 10/24 on our trip to Busch Gardens. We didn't stay all weekend this year due to financial problems but it was still an okay trip. I'm glad I got to see friends I hadn't seen in awhile. Alex and I traveled down to Dismal Swamp State Park just over the NC state one day and discovered a beautiful area. We went kayaking which was so much fun, and found a fortress of solitude in the woods. The park is situated on an old distillery so there are still remnants of vines and fruits. It is heavy with brush so some parts of the trail we walked were reminiscent of a fairy tale forest. We went to Hunt Club Farm in Virginia Beach at the beginning of the month and found some pumpkins! This big one weighs 32 pounds!
